Learning To Let Go

I have always struggled with letting go and moving on. I suppose because people matter to me. They take up so much room in my heart and when they are gone there is a void. It's not just people either. It's emotions, ideas, thoughts of the way I wish it were or it is supposed to be. I always say i'm slow to anger but once I do its hard for me to get over it. I can forgive but there is still an ache from the pain long after there should be. Letting go is hard for me. But I have learned that sometimes holding on is much harder.

Holding on to what we wish we had, or how we wish it was, or the romanticized idea of what we wish could be is heartache. Letting go with your hands is far easier than letting go with your heart. I may chose to let go of control with my hands while my heart is fighting to hold on within. People move away, people change, people die and we all have to let go. I find myself around every corner of life saying, "I know it's this way but I wish it were different". I hold tight to the wish it could be different, and I completely miss the life standing right before me staring me dead in the eye. Even in the best moments of my life, my heart stops beating when I remember that it won't always be this way and I find myself wishing again, like always, that it could be. I need to let go of what "it could be" and embrace what it is.

My prayer for 2019 is to let go and move on. I hope to accept how it is and let go of how it's not. I hope that the Lord reminds me that He has me where He does for a reason and there are no mistakes. I hope that this year leads me to a place of thankfulness for all He has done for me and that I stop holding on to the sadness of what I wish could be. I wish we lived forever, and no one moved away, and people didn't hurt people, and life were easier... haha! This is doesn't exist on this side of eternity. I have to let go and understand that you don't get the beauty without the pain. That's just the way it is. That is the way it will always be until my final breath, so I can let go and move on and trust His way or I can stay here sad about the bitter taste of life and completely miss the sweet.